My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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