I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
