So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
