if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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