yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
