We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
