As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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