BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
