I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
