don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
