I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize