So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize