i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
