i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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