I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
