this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
