A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
