Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
