are you so shy because you have an std?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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