Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
