If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
