I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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