we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
