8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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