he wants to bone in the snuggie
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
