Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
