Cold hands, warm shart.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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