If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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