sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
