remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
FUCK WHALES
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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