i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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