ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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