just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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