I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
