lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
