ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
