dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
