Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
