her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
