i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
