Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
