dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
