Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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