I want to have your abortion
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
