Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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