I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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