Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
