my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
