is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
