D3 body, D1 cock
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
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