i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
