Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
