White coat. Heels.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
