I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
