well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
