Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
