do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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