You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
