It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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