pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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