just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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