We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
