after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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