If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
