I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
