i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
