Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
