I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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