evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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