3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Randomize
